It is funny that we wait until the 1st of each year in order to make our resolutions. Maybe its the glittery feeling of the night or the sparkling wine in our lipstick stained glass that somewhat gives the impression of formality to all of this. It may be just another day, but it is when the fireworks explode into the night sky, that you need to give the promises to actually keeping your promises of this year’s newly invented self. I find it kind of funny that all this truly (and honestly) really lasts about a week after January 1st, but it is important to at least know what your real goals would be if you actually worked for them.
This NYE was difficult for me, as I passed it sick and a bit frustrated. As I was gazing the city’s fireworks from the balcony, I got lost somewhere between the thick duvet I rolled around me for the quick spectacle, two very wet eye lids and lots of thinking… I won’t blame anyone in this text, nor will I describe any further thoughts. It just made me think a lot and I believe that such shocking situations take you each time one step closer to your truth. I just become a tiny bit more of an egoist after each of such incidents and that is a good sign towards clarity.
Another value that I hate in me is how easily I forget. I forgive very fast according to some and tend to wipe out those thoughts that make me feel unhappy. This is messed up though as by burying feelings you never succeed in burying situations. They will always find a way to re-appear and fall on you like a heavy rock, when least expected. Well, I did it again. But one of my resolutions for this year is to address all of these problems that I see rising in the future, before they actually do. And be brave, but kind. Serious, but with self-respect. No-one will ever be able to manipulate my feelings again, they way I used to let people do, just because “I am the strong-minded one”, “I can take it”, “It’s better that I get sad, instead of the other one” bullshit (sorry for my French). Uff, it is difficult to express all of your feelings without openly explaining the problem, but that is the most I can write for now.
My second resolution is to finally be openly artistic and stop seeking acceptance in order to do so. It is how I grew up, it is the only thing I know, it is how I need to live and all these trolls with their un-supported easily given opinions can go back to their caves, for all I care. I will sing as loud as I can, draw whatever the hell I want, dress as I like and act as myself. Plus work, work harder than ever. I have lived through difficult situations, lost loved ones, worked for others for too long, heard unbelievable things, observed human stupidity in all its excellence. Now I am just tired of all those empty beings so full of themselves. Sorry for the rage. It needed to come out in one post and what best than the “Resolutions” one. It is how I define being happy. Being only with people that like me for what I am and for what I can become. You know who you are and I love you.
Happy New Year to me (and to everyone on board). X