I have a soul that likes to hide. Half in the light and half in some very dark shadows. These two extremes have somehow found an ephemeral balance to the point of a certain kind of numbness. Never before did I feel so lost in thoughts as I do now. And never before did I need to start over so badly. It has been a long time now that I have been suspecting a buried urge to act, but never in fact, was I able to connect all of my missing pieces in order to do so. Until last night when, with the help of some wine, I opened up just a tiny bit and expressed my blurry concerns to my little beloved sister.

I am proud to have her and she is the one who inspired me to create this post. I needed to visualise some forgotten feelings that surfaced with our conversations. Daphne happens to be the most talented person I know and the only one that fully deeply understands me without any explanations given. That is what sisters and brothers are for, you will tell me. But we are kind of different in this case. We both have hidden secrets and too much creative energy still waiting to be unleashed. She is just braver than I am. And more respectful to the unknown forces that drive any of us to what others would call fate. She knows how to fight it. After we went out together, which we never really do, all I could think about  was why I lost so much precious time of her company all of these years. The moments we shared as children, which I had even almost erased as my mentality is in this blocked state for a long time now, made me re-connect with some long-gone feelings and desires, which of course came out as tears at some point of our night. But she knows. And she waited there, opposite me, with her golden sight, huge eyelashes, secure smile and big, well articulated thoughts, until I, myself, realized the harm I have been doing to myself so far. I knew it, but she made me see it. I came back home with a fire ball inside my head and a question mark following as my faithful shadow friend, filled with surfaced issues but, for the first time in years, possible answers…

I need to fight this thick crust that has formed over the whole of me and try to uncover what was once there. A happy, uncomplicated soul with a cloud as her vehicle and a flower crown of creative ideas in her head…

I promise you that D.

Thank you

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